November 5, 2007

Just pondering the good, the bad and the ugly of Breast Cancer. I'm rated at a 2b level, meaning I have had to have a tumor and 2 lymph nodes removed with 6 sessions of chemo and 8 weeks of radiation (Hopefully, all treatments will conclude by the middle of March 2008). My survival rate should be excellent. My physicalness should be about the same. But what about my emotional and mental states after all of this is over?

I wonder these things because I never thought I would have to endure the more strenuous therapy of breast cancer. I always knew I would be a victim of the cancer, but thought I would only have to go through the surgery and radiation for a few weeks. Things have ended up being more serious than I ever expected.

I watched my mom go through a mastectomy. I watched my sister go through a lumpectomy and radiation. My aunt went through a lumpectomy with chemo and radiation. My grandmother went through a lumpectomy with what else I'm not sure. I was to naive to realize what she was going through. But until I've gone through this myself, I could not totally imagine what would transpire, nor understand how much of this disease is emotional.

I now know how brave the women in my family are. They are very strong and humble people. They continue on as if there was nothing ever wrong. They did not really share emotions and thoughts of what this disease can do to a soul. I have pondered this a lot. I think I've been much more verbal about my session than all of the family women together. Why is that? Do they not think letting others know will help in the long run. Or are they too private and feel it to personal to share. Or is it because of all the attention one gets when this happens? This can be a hard thing if you are a quiet and shy person.

But, all I can say is that whatever one needs to do is what should be done. My experience so far has been nothing short of people wanting to help, give, do, relay their stories, give advise on how to simplify the process or just offer that they are thinking and praying for me and my family to have the strength to endure.

A few examples of how giving and wonderful people are, I'd like to share. I'll start with a few and continue on as the weeks pass.

First, I work at a university in a position where I help faculty and staff all over the campus. I have worked with some people only once on a project, or answered questions for them several times through a quarter or I have daily or weekly contact.

Because of the university system, if someone like me is out for weeks or months at a time and have no sick or vacation leave available, other staff and faculty can donate time to a person such as myself. Well, a call went out to request donations. (Note that I will be off of work for 6 months.) It has been a major concern as to how all the doctor bills would be paid let alone paying the mortgage, buying groceries, etc, without my income.

As the call went out for donations, I received numerous hours of donations from people I know and people I don't know. Because of the generosity of these wonderful people, the financial burden of making the bills and eating is not longer a concern. Can you imagine how you would feel to learn that a group of people came together to save your financial situation from becoming a disaster?

Well, I want to tell you that this has been a wonderful, wonderful thing that has come to fruition for my husband and I. I am so blessed to have folks give to me something that is very needed. I want to thank all of them for doing this. It has helped me be able to recuperate because I don't have to feel guilty that I cannot make a paycheck available to my household and cause more burden with the medical part as well. THANK YOU ALL!

Another story that I will tell you is that of my BFF (yes, she really is my BFF), Denise. Denise and I have been friends since kindergarten. We went through elementary, junior high and high school together. We went to college together. We were married 6 months apart from each other. We had our first child 6 months apart from each other. We have stay in contact all these years and try to keep up with each other's adventures and talk of new adventures to come.

Denise had no idea the new adventure she'd be taking with me. When I told her about my diagnosis, she was the first one to tell me that I can get through this. She has a motto for me: YOU CAN DO THIS! And I tell you what, without her there to tell me this, I would not feel so confident that I will do this. This dear woman decided that her family would go on the Susan Komun 5K walk in Houston. So they did this in the rain and humidity just for me. A few weeks after the walk, I received a wonderful pictorial of the walk with the book dedicated to me and my motto included on the last page under a picture of Denise with her arms up saying "YOU CAN DO THIS!" Without Denise, I would not have as much will to do this. She is a shining star that is taking ACTION to assist her friend in completing a very difficult goal. Thank you Dee.

I will tell you of other wonderful things that have come to me in the past few months next episode. Thank you all for helping me get through this difficult time.

November 2, 2007

It's been about a month since last I posted. Sorry! I have been up and down and tossed around from all directions.

The first round of chemo was quite difficult. I have sense endured a second round. This time has been MUCH better. There were adjustments to the steriods being lowered. This helped immensely. I felt more in control of myself. Granted, I've been very tired and weak. And nothing tastes good to eat. Because of this, I've lost 19 pounds. What a way to loose weight! Hopefully next week my buds will be a little more adjusted back to normal.

The second round of chemo has been a little easier because of things learned from the first time around. I learned I can control my dosage amounts of nausea medicine, and this will control how much I have to sleep because of the meds. I learned not to ignore 64 ounces or more of liquids in a day. It's much more painful to be dehydrated than have to force drink! So a word to the wise... Also, no more hair on the head. I look like either Uncle Festus from the Addams Family or the face of the guy you can move hair onto (remember when you were little and you would take this magnetic pen and drag hair to his head or face? That's me :)) We'll see what we can do to make a mock up of this so you can assist me with a new hair due come spring or summer.

Thank you to all of you who keep emailing, sending notes and cards and keeping me in your prayers and thoughts. I just wouldn't be making it if I didn't have a little surprise here and there from one of you all!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!